question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
