stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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