i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize