it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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