don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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