just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
