In America we eat man semen.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
