I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am mentally ready for anal.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
