she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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