Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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