the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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