i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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