mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
