I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
