Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
