my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
