We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize