pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
