half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
