I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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