4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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