508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
