4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
