Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
