drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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