your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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