her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
