He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
