You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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