Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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