if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
