Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
