Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize