uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
