Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just pee around me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
