"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
