What a fucking waste of an outfit
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
