just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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