Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
