Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
