I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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