is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
