Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
