I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
pray to the hookup gods
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize