Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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