There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
