hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
