How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
