The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize