Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize