i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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