Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
