Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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