He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
