WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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