Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Someone came in the potted fern
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize