I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
