I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize