i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
try to milk me bitch
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