i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
