I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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