She is in my trunk
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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