The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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