Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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