I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
