My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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