I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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