Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
