people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
