I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
