so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
