i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize