I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
