found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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