It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
