I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
