If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
