she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
