why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
